His Goatness was less than pleased to find that he was unable to book a flight to Los Angeles because he had no address or credit card in the States. What followed was a blaze of obscenities and monitor shaking to the max (Mo fo bro!!!). He was not a happy bunny!!
Beer is good. Beer followed by intellectual discussion is not so good. That is, assuming that a talk about hookers qualifies under that category! The result is a flurry of Goat activity, storming out of the room to the tune of “No one ever F!%cking listens to me!”
Ok, so not technically a paddie (more an attempt at contract killing), nor was it anything to do with travelling, but what the hell any excuse! A poor, innocent boy stands over the ball, suddenly he (not the ball) is swept away in a blur of two feet and studs. Ouch.
It was our fault really - we did after all let Chops look after the tickets for the 5:30pm trip across the Cook Straights to Picton. 5:25pm, no Chops and Lou in sight. Much baying for blood is called for and many threats are made prior to their last-gasp spawny arrival with seconds to spare (minus various towels and coats that they were supposed to pick up!). Disaster averted.
Well, yes it was a bus terminal, the only problem is that we are hoping to book some train tickets! A Rickshaw driver on the fleece me thinks…so did Binnus, who launched into a volley of sarcasm impressive in both length and volume! “Well thank you very much mate, you have been a great and wonderful help to us” etc
This is kind of like picking one example from a catalogue of many. The subject, phone-card fleecings! By far the best case came on this US Highway when I got done to the tune of $10 for about 12 minutes. The call wasn’t even international (I was only calling Montana!), not to mention having been told as the call started “You have 187 minutes remaining” when what they meant to say was “Please bend over now”. The innocent bystanders (hard to believe in the case of these two former De Gay street residents I know!) soon find themselves under attack from Phone-card missiles as I storm past into the bathroom for some uncontrolled shouting, whoops!
Deep into the saga of the fines committee, and with a serious lead over his nearest competitors for the crown of who owes the most Yuan’s, the legendary Chops anger vein begins to reach boiling point. With genius (and accidental) comic timing he produces one four-syllable word after another as the King of Pedanticism listens on with pure glee.
G: “Chops, that will cost you one yuan”,
C: “Oh that is positively unfair”
G: “and another one”
C: “that’s just unbelievable”
G: “three”
C: “this is bloody ridiculous”
G: “four”
And so on until sides begin to split!
It’s a simple rule, put us in a car and the abuse will flow. Be it Australia, New Zealand, Cottingham Road, the States or even the back seat of a Goan taxi, and no sooner is the engine running than the obscenities start! Next comes the fist waving and raising of middle fingers induced by cut ups, tailgaters, slow drivers or even bad directions from inside the car (no names). Not that we are all psychos behind the wheel or anything!!!
Amazingly, Chops is first out of bed. Even more amazingly he decides to be organised. After several polite request to get us all out of bed the toys are nominated, voted for and well and truly evicted from the pram as he thinks we are not gonna be ready in time for this morning’s hike. Thirty minutes later Messrs Horne, Watson and Rossington are sat around outside waiting for guess who to finish getting ready???
On route from Franz Josef through the Hass Pass on a particularly crappy weathered day, we approach a few rocks lying on our side of the road on a blind corner. In a split decision I decided that the car would clear them easily. This can only be described as an A1, top grade, cock-up as the bottom of the car makes a bashing sound and the car goes for a quick ride. A scathing Goat attack follows with lots of abuse, lots more abuse and even a measuring of exhibit A’s exact position in the road. Luckily the car was dandy (well, dandyish) and was not the one owned by a descendent of the Corlione family!